Security.

Today I texted my mom the following:

Kaiden wants my attention all the time. If I take my eyes off of him, he gets upset. I always have to play by his side, he always wants me to hold him and cuddle and if I step out of the room, it seems as if he fears I will leave him. Is this normal lol? Even when E is holding him he follows me with his eyes. If something funny happens with E, he looks to see if I'm laughing too. I can tell he loves me a ton but I just want to make sure it's ok for him to be this dependent on me.

As I texted this to my mom, I felt bad saying he needs me too much, but a co-worker of E's said something the other day that caught my attention. I was in the office and I walked a few feet away to grab something and Kaiden immediately started crying. E's co worker said something like, "Boy, is he fearful!" It wasn't anything that offended me, it was just a detail (that has been in the back of my mind) brought to my attention. I explained how we have been taking him to endless doctor's appointments and such, but the word fearful really stood out to me. He does act afraid to not be with me.

My mom called me and asked why I was concerned. She explained it's perfectly normal and then she said words that struck my heart. You are his security. I know he loves to sleep with the blanket I knit him and I know he is comforted by drinking his milk, but I am his security. I am the one that protects him, feeds him and puts him to bed every night (and of course my husband too lol). I read him stories, play with him every day, laugh at his little, silly games. I take him everywhere with me and I'm always there when he cries. Hearing my mom re-emphasize all this really put things into perspective for me.

While in the church nursery, Kaiden will cry if he hears the end song being played and we haven't picked him up yet. When we are all sitting on the floor together and playing, he always takes my hand and take's my husband's hands to pull us closer together. If he wants my attention, he hangs around my legs and rubs his head like a little cat. It is clear how much he loves my husband and I and how much he craves our attention. The other day, I found this quote...

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff. (Catherine M. Wallace)


Kaiden may not be talking yet but he eagerly awaits my response when he builds a huge lego tower or when he puts a pillow on his head. He doesn't want me to miss a single detail and while at times it may be difficult for me to always pay attention, I am reminded that these little things are the big things and right now, I am his security.

Kaiden's Speech Evaluation

Today was Kaiden's speech evaluation. I walked in and immediately felt bad for poor Kaiden. He hates being the center of attention and today he was greeted with 4 of the speech workers all saying "Hi Kaiden!" in a super friendly, little-kid like tone. He knows what that means and it's usually "mom's dropping me off at sunday school" or "mom's taking me to the doctor" and he doesn't like either. He sat on my lap and they kept presenting him with toy after toy, trying to get him to calm down. Kaiden finally warmed up to them somewhat (but had to stay by my side the entire time) and while he played I answered about a 100 questions. At first I didn't mind it, but I was bothered that they were all yes/no questions. "Does your son listen to you when you tell him to stop?" Yes. 
"Does your son play 'peek-a-boo' or 'patty-cake' with you?" Yes on peek-a-boo, no on patty cake. 
"Does your son respond to your voice with happy expressions when you converse with him?" Um, yes? If I'm telling him happy things...but if I'm telling him "Don't do that!" than obviously no. 
"Does your son point to his eyes or his nose?" His eyes, no. His nose, yes.  By the end of the questions I started to feel discouraged. All my answer's were "No...he doesn't speak in full sentences." "No, he doesn't join in me and my husband's conversations." No. No. No. I could feel my face blushing and I could tell my eyes swelling, ready to water all the frustration and overwhelming feelings I've slowly collected all week. "What kind of songs do you sing to your son? Does he sing back?" I don't sing him songs...why don't I sing him songs?!? I started to feel like a bad mom. I stay at home with him everyday and yet I've never thought to try and get him to sing.

The next portion they wanted to observe how we played and how we interacted. But it wasn't just him and I. There was another speech therapist playing too. So where I tried to insert my, "Can you hand that to me please?"'s she had already filled the talking space with, "Ball goes in!" "Green grapes!" and "Nom, nom, nom"'s. I heard the speech pathologist scribbling things down. What is she writing? You're really going to judge Kaiden's interaction with me based off this 5 minute playtime with a complete stranger interjecting every 2 seconds? I felt so uncomfortable and so overwhelmed. I'm like Kaiden...I don't like when the spotlight is on me and I don't like when I have to answer so many questions without much time to think. I just wanted to pick him up and leave.

Everyone keeps telling me not to worry because Kaiden is young and he is a boy and it's completely normal. I get that. I agree! I don't have a problem with the fact that he may be "delayed." However, I could immediately tell these therapists or pathologists (or whatever they are) thought otherwise. There was concern on their faces and their opinion is what gets put on paper and handed in with our final out-processing paperwork for the military. The entire time we were there he didn't say a single word. He said, "Ahhh" once, only because they wanted to take him into the next room and he didn't want to leave mommy. Of course, the minute we got home, he ran in the house and started chattering away. It's only baba's and ha-ha's for now but it's more than he showed them. The one thing I will say is that I know these appointments will give me a better idea of how to do things with him. The fact that I never thought to sing, astonishes me. When we got home I started singing "Wheels on the Bus" and he was laughing and having fun. I do need some direction in that regard. Another thing they encouraged me to do this week (before our next meeting) is to give him choices, like milk or water. This way he has to either verbalize or at least point to which one he prefers.

We also went to get his ears checked out today. I requested a different doctor than his primary one (which is actually only a nurse practitioner) and she got a great look in his ears and said there is absolutely no sign of infection...only a bit of fluid. She also said she wasn't concerned about his speech at all and that she would make a note of it in his file. I am so grateful for her evaluation and encouragement. I also want to say thank you to all the mom's that have reached out to me whose children have had delayed speech. It's a huge encouragement to know that is absolutely normal. This concludes our long week of appointments. Tomorrow I have one last meeting with a wedding client and then soon E leaves for some training.

Kaiden's First Haircut

Kaiden got a hair cut a few weeks ago. It was much needed...the back of his hair started to form a mullet and his bangs covered his eyes. I didn't want to cut his little, shaggy curls but I didn't want him to look like a girl during our Hawaii trip. I stumbled upon a barber shop in a small town next door to us. What caught my eye was the barber pole. From the outside, it looked perfect. I was envisioningg Kaiden's first haircut pictures to have beautiful light...an old man with white hair cutting his hair...and Kaiden sitting happily along the way. When I told E this, he said something that has been stuck in my head since... "Dianne, I think your photo reality and real reality are way different from each other." He was right. We walked into the barbershop and they had bright green walls. I should've just walked out but the pride in me made us stay. I didn't want to walk out just because I didn't think Kaiden would have good pictures. The whole experience was rather unpleasant. Our normally cheerful Kaiden did not sit happily...in fact, he screamed the entire time. We had forgotten that Kaiden got shots the day before and so he clearly did not want another stranger touching him. We told the barber that and he "joked" about how we shouldn't have brought him in...he had very serious undertones. Everything inside me was upset about the whole situation but E was right... Obviously, I'm over it now lol. The pictures are completely opposite to anything I had envisioned but funny memories nonetheless. We received a lock of his hair and now we can look back and laugh at Kaiden's hilarious expressions.

By the way, I made them all black and white to cover up the ugly lime green walls...just a photo tip...when you have brightly colored walls, it reflects back onto the skin leaving unflattering color in your pictures.

Hawaii Picture.

I only took a few pictures before my camera broke...here is my absolute favorite!

Life Via Instagram February and March

1. Callie cuddling with me randomly

2. Photo shoot at Muir Beach

3. Homemade croutons for friend with newborn

4. Breakfast as local mom & pop diner

5. Watching Kaiden and his gf play

6. Daily walks with the  bug

7. Kaiden stomping on pillows

8. Spilled my Chik Fil A

9. Grateful for the nice breeze from cieling fan

10. Homemade chicken tacos

11. Lazy Saturday with the Kindle

12. Kaiden's new obsession

13. Waiting for daddy to come home

14. Beginning to our day picture

15. New favorite play spot

16. Favorite plant ever...succulents

FYI...My Son is Not a Girl.

So...I realized why a lot of people think that Kaiden is a girl. Every time we go to a store, someone always says something about how blue his eyes are. I don't think there has ever been a point where someone hasn't brought it to our attention. Usually that statement is followed with a "He (or sometimes she) is so cute!" I started to wonder if he needed a hair cut...maybe that is the reason for the confusion. Well, last night we went to In N Out (ah-mazing!) and a woman said "She is just so cute." E quickly corrected her and said "Well thanks, but he is a boy." She took a closer look at him and said "It's those blue eyes. He is just so beautiful I just assumed he was a girl. Now that I look at his outfit I realize he is all boy!" I don't say this just because I'm his mom, but I honestly think that he is just so handsome and has such a perfect, beautiful face that people mistake him for a girl. E even said that this happened to him at the grocery store, and when he corrected the woman her response was "It's the blue eyes!" After she said that, E thought, "I have blue eyes! Do I look like a girl?" haha. Either way, we both take it as a compliment. I'm just so blessed to have such a sweet little boy. 

Here are a few pictures we took of him the other day...you can view more on my photography blog here.

Film + Wisdom Teeth

I had my wisdom teeth pulled a few days ago. It was long overdue. I received the x-rays and referral form my dentist early last summer and they had been sitting on my desk until this past December. The surgery was in and out just as they promised, but I remember waking up with tears. It was to the point where I started to hyper-ventilate. Apparently, the medication made me react in such a way that brought out a lot of emotions. I remember dreaming and than waking up to a bunch of doctors around me, almost like in a movie. They brought me E right away and he helped calm me down. His compassion towards me made me feel so loved. I could see how sad he was that I was sad. *Sigh* ... I love him!

I've been on bedrest for the past few days. Since I'm on top of my meds, I haven't been in much pain at all which is a huge blessing. If anything, the most annoying part is not being able to eat normal food. For the first day I was only allowed to have cold liquids. That limited things to milkshakes and protein shakes, all of which are sweet. I could feel my stomach eating itself, trying to devour something a little more tangible than shakes. I'm on day four and I've been sipping down mac and cheese and pasta. I still can't chew but at least my stomach is starting to feel a bit fuller. I can't wait until I can chomp on a giant cheeseburger. :)

Remember my post about film? Well, I finally had a chance to drop off my cheap-o film at CVS today. I DO NOT recommend getting your film processed there. The only reason I did was because I was uncertain of whether or not my exposures turned out and I didn't want to shell out the large amount a good photo lab costs. After seeing that all 27 exposures turned out (yay!), I'm ready to move onto the good film and a good photo lab. Below I've scanned a picture...so you can imagine the quality is lacking. Cheap film + crappy photo development + crappy printing + a crappy scanner. The picture looks much better in person but is still lacking in quality and doesn't do my new film camera justice. In fact, the more I look at it, the more I feel like the scanner over-saturated the colors even though I manually input all my scan settings. None the less, there are no touch ups or post processing done to this picture. What you see is what you get and that's what I love about film...it's honest.

As I mentioned, cheap film + cheap development + cheap printing + cheap scanner = injustice to this picture.

December Festivities.

It's amazing how different each stage of a kid's life is. I know I'm only in the first year, but even so, every month has brought change after change. Kaiden is really starting to develop his personality and I can already tell that he is independent, curious, mechanically-minded, sweet, caring, yet sensitive and easily upsetted. If I run an errand or E comes home from work, he immediately runs up to us and wants to cuddle. He has started resting his head on my shoulder and purposefully sitting on my lap. I can tell he is just like E. Both my boys love affection and love to show it. On the other hand, he now fully understands what the word "no" means. He is starting to have tantrums and oh, we will not  be tolerating that. I've seen too many kids become extremely spoiled which leads to acting out in public, becoming  a sore loser and never learning discipline. We have found a perfect method to disciplining Kaiden and it's proven to be quite effective.

I went to the dentist yesterday for my bi-annual checkup. Everything was fine, except I explained to the dentist how my jaw has been popping lately and how lately I clench my teeth when I sleep. The dentist told me that the jaw popping is because of my inflamed jaw muscles...which is a result from the clenching. He asked me if I was under any stress, as that is the common reason for clenching. I know there have been stressful points in my life but at this point there is nothing extra. I've been trying jaw relaxation techniques (which sounds ridiculous) but I think I'm going to have to get a night-guard to help re-align everything. It's going to cost us an arm and a leg but my dentist said the clenching is having an effect on my gum line and jaw, and I'm too young for this occur. Not to mention, I will be having my wisdom teeth removed in a month. Ugh.

On a better note, I'm so excited for this month's festivities! Our December is filled with events. This Thursday is E's work's annual Christmas Party. Friday I'm having a cookie exchange. Monday is my birthday and next Thursday we are going on a last minute vacation to Florida for Christmas! My whole family will be there and I'm so excited to see my brothers and sisters and for them to see Kaiden. Because of this, the entries will be sporadic but once the holiday season settles down and the new year begins, I'm committing to more consistent (and more personal) blogging :)

We bought Kaiden a monkey backpack (the leash is at tail) for DisneyWorld. No getting lost little monkey!

Kaiden's Birthday Gift from Mommy

I'm pretty excited to post these pictures of the first blanket I've ever knitted. I got the pattern from one of my favorite knitting sites, PurlBee. Instead of using the suggested size 7 needles, I used size 13 because 1) I didn't want to go out and buy another set of circular needles and 2) I wanted the blanket to be a bit bigger so Kaiden could use it when he gets older. It took me about 2 1/2 weeks of constant knitting. I knit while watching movies, in the car, and any place else you can think of. I wanted to get it done by Kaiden's birthday (which I successfully did) but I'm pretty sure it was overkill. It's been a few weeks since I picked up knitting needles and just holding them yesterday hurt my hands. I wanted to make gifts for people this Christmas but I definitely don't think that will be happening anytime soon. In the meantime, I'm learning how to crochet since it's quicker and (at least I feel...) requires less movement in the hands. 

Materials used:

Size 13 24" in circular needles

6 skeins of Vanna White's Yarn (On sale for $1.99 each at Michaels!)

If you are new to knitting, this is probably the easiest pattern you could ever do. You just do the knit stitch over and over and over.

I can tell Kaiden loves it and I know years from now I won't have a problem if he's still attached to it :)

Kaiden's Cowboy-Themed First Birthday Party!

 Kaiden's 1st birthday party was a success! My goal was to make it as stress-free as possible, but despite my efforts I found that hosting a party is a lot of work...especially when you are on a budget! E and I talked about how easy it is for entertaining to take away from the focus of the event. We wanted to make sure that this was all about Kaiden and that he had the time of his life (even if he won't be able to remember it!) I closed all the doors in the party room and let Kaiden roam free. It melted my heart to see him running around the room with a train of kids behind him. Every step and every turn greeted our guests with a giggle and a smile. Of course, he enjoyed his very first taste of sugar which left him energized for the rest of the night. After all was said and done, I was glad the planning was over. I don't think I'll have this big of a party until he can actually remember it! :)

Sadly, I didn't get many shots of him in his full cowboy getup. Now that he can walk it's so hard to take a picture of him without motion blur...

We love you SOOOOOOO much Kaiden and hope that you can at least appreciate the pictures someday :)

For those interested in decoration info...

I wanted to do a theme that would provide inexpensive food, easy decorations and keep a unique theme. Cowboy was definitely the way to go, as Pinterest provided me with TONS of ideas. I made the barn (below) out of a tri-fold project board from Michaels, white duct tape and some paint. All of the centerpieces were Ikea planter pails (.79/each!) filled with styrofoam and topped with peanuts. The red table-clothes, balloons, gingham plates, silverware and clothespins were from the dollar store. I scored a helium tank from Wal-mart for $20 as well. Helium filled balloons cost about a $1 each so this helped save some money. The candy-filled gold bars, sheriff's badges, cowboy platter and cow table clothes were all purchased from various stores online. The adorable horse in our photo booth is actually from Ukraine, believe it or not! It was a gift from my uncle's friend and came in handy for all of the kids. The cut-out props were free printables from an amazing blog (I highly recommend you follow), Oh Happy Day. His month-by-month timeline pictures were made in Photoshop and printed at Office Max since I didn't have enough time to order them through my lab. His birthday letter guestbook was typed on Word and printed on brown paper from Michaels. The s'mores pops were handmade by my sister in law, me and my best friend...AND my best friend also made the cowboy boot smash cake (with an adorable mini cupcake as the spur! -- she's a genius). Lastly, his real birthday cake was made by Safeway and was their strawberry filled, white, and buttercream icing cake -- it was a HIT!!!! So tasty.

Happy First Birthday Kaiden!

One year ago, I met you for the first time.

Unexpected tears of joy came as they placed you on my chest.

I will never be able to put into words what it felt like to see your beautiful face.

It was in that moment I learned a different kind of love.

Each day you've taught me something new.

I have such a better understanding of how God views His children.

I have a deeper appreciation of the sacrifice God made when He gave HIS son.

I've learned humility, patience, love.

I've watched you grow from a helpless newborn to a big strong boy.

From your first laugh, to your first step, I've enjoyed every minute.

Your smiles and giggles are evidence that we are doing something right.

Kaiden Jago, you are loved more than you will ever know. It is my prayer that you will grow to know and love the Lord and that we can be the best parents for you. Happy First Birthday!!!!!!!!!

Kaiden was just one day old in this picture. Photo by Kira Lauren Photography

Sweet Boy.

I am filled with joy. It's the only way to describe it. I am content and overwhelmed that God could bless me with such a sweet, little boy. 

 

A Very Scooby Halloween!

Happy halloween from Velma, Shaggy and Scobby :)

Busy.

Busy, busy.

This past weekend I...

1\\ assisted a wedding (see a preview here!)

2\\ helped my best friend with her daughter's big birthday party

3\\ finished my first custom headband (pictures to come)

4\\ said goodbye to the hubs as he took off for a TDY (temporary deployment)

Kaiden crawling around at his gf's birthday party

Mom Life.

I got an email today from one of the baby websites I'm subscribed to and it was entitled, "Your Little Head Banger." That is totally Kaiden right now. He loves to tap the back of his head on his high chair or play pen. Initially it seemed cause for concern but I quickly realized it's just another way he is exploring life around him. Apparently the article says it's baby's way of letting out excess energy haha.

It amazes me when I think about how Kaiden's goals in life at this point are to 1) eat 2) play 3) laugh 4) sleep. My day revolves around me meeting those needs. Although these tasks may seem small in comparison to everything else going on in the world, I've started to realize the value in what I say and do with him.

For instance, Kaiden is constantly looking for my approval. He will be playing with a toy and turn back to look at me. He has this expression that speaks, "Mom, do you see what I'm playing with? Did you see that? Is this ok?" It's the most adorable thing ever. Every few seconds he is constantly checking to see if I'm paying attention. The best part about this is the look he gets when he realizes I AM paying attention to his new discovery and I DO care that his block just fell off his table. It's this extra attention that I know will build his confidence and give him the security he needs. If you get a moment, please read this particular blog entry from one of my favorite bloggers. It really spoke to me about my role as a mom and and the significance of a mothers efforts.

Cleaning up spit up, hugging your child, reading him bedtime stories...none of this is in vain. We are investing into people that God will use for His plan and His purpose.

My dear friend Stephanie sent me this adorable bib months ago. I finally got around to taking pictures of him in it :) Thank you Stephanie!!!!

And here's a quick update:

E got accepted into training for the job he's been wanting for so long! He will be leaving for four months during the summer next year. Lord willing, if he passes all of his training we will be moving by November or December of 2012. This is a HUGE answer to prayer for us. We are grateful for all the prayers of our loved ones and family members. E has applied to SO many different jobs and many doors have been closed. We are not getting our hopes up just yet but we are definitely planning to get ready to start all over again if we need to.

Being A Mom.

There is no better feeling in the world than seeing the fruit of all Ethan and I have invested into our son so far. Kaiden is taking as many steps as his little spaghetti legs allow. He is able to eat "real people food" (mashed potatoes are by far his favorite!) His personality is really starting to come out (he is initially shy but very determined and curious). Even his face is maturing into a little boy's face. 

I absolutely LOVE being a mom and I wouldn't trade it for any other job in the world. God's really used this role to change my heart and teach me so much about Him^ and what it means to be a wife/parent/friend/believer. When I was pregnant, my mother in law consistently told me that being a parent makes you realize how selfish of a person you are. It's true. Having Kaiden has forced me to sacrifice and give my all to this tiny being, and although this was hard for me initially (I made it hard on myself), I am ever grateful for it. 

Kaiden, you've changed me and I love you more than you will ever know! Happy Sunday :)

Family Boat Day.

Life has been so busy. Almost too busy. But not the kind of busy I want. It's the kind of busy that has me exhausted and stretched thin. I must keep my eyes on the prize.

Howdy Y'all!

Who is pumped for a wild west cowboy party!?! This chick! Today I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and put together his invitation. I just got some new photo equipment in the mail and so I decided to go ahead and use Kaiden as my guinea pig and get his invitation photos done at the same time. Right after he woke up from his nap I slipped him into some cute clothes and grabbed his oversized cowboy hat. I placed him on my setup, won his favor with yogurt melt snacks and sang crazy songs to get him to smile. I'm actually very surprised I was able to accomplish all of this by myself. I didn't think he would cooperate since getting him to sit still is nearly impossible these days. Our time was short but I got a few photos that I really like. As for the invitation, I did it all through photoshop. I pretty much took bits and pieces of different invitations I saw online and followed the format of someone elses. Now all I have to do is order and mail them out!



I've been gathering a ton of ideas together and posting them all on my board here on Pinterest.
This is going to be a DIY party and the goal is to have an awesome theme but spend the least amount of money possible. To be honest, I decided on the cowboy theme because I figured the food would be very inexpensive. BBQ, beans and chips sounds good to me! There are so many faraway family and friends that I wish could come but I'm so grateful for the group of friends we have here. We are only allowed 75 people and the guest list is already in the 60's. Who would have thought that when we prayed for friends God would give us way more than we could ask!?!

Our Little Target Trip

I can't believe how much this guy grows from week to week. He is quite tall for his age and most people we meet can't believe he just turned nine months. Now that he is starting to stand, it has been a bit easier taking his photograph. He can't quite walk yet so he just stays there, unsure of what to do. These are some pictures from a Target run we made after church. Kaiden is sporting his new Captain America shirt that his daddy got him and so we thought it would be fitting to bring him to the Captain America toy aisle too.

Happy Baby.

I've always loved it when a complete stranger would come up to me and tell me that Kaiden looks like such a happy baby. It reminds me that I'm doing something right. Since we have been in the city all weekend and surrounded by TONS of people, we have gotten so many more "Your baby is so happy" comments. It's so much more than his temperament...it's a reflection of all the love and time we pour into him. I am so thankful for my decision to be a stay at home mom, even though at times it may be tough. His smile speaks volumes and makes me the happiest mom in the world.