Tough Love.

Oh, how God uses different situations to grow me. Sometimes I almost expect "growing periods" to come in certain forms, and then when I find myself in an unexpected situation where I have no other choice but to call out to our heavenly Father, I realize shortly after -- "Oh. Perhaps this is the purpose in it all."


E and I had a great conversation tonight. He is so wise sometimes and I really admire that about him. Sometimes .... A lot of times I find it hard to respect him. It's what I'm called to do but this is where my calling clashes with my human nature. I'm working on it but it's conversations like tonight's where I listen in awe and thank God at the same time for pairing me with someone who is leading our relationship as it should be. Anyways, this conversation was about people-pleasing vs. being spirit led. I thought my actions were pleasing to the Lord because I was trying to make other people happy, but in reality all I did was hold the reigns of my life and do what I thought was best. Instead, I need to be spirit-led on a DAILY basis. Everything is a case by case situation and sometimes people pleasing isn't the answer. Yes, Jesus showed love BUT He also was very honest and spoke directly without being "politically correct." Of course it is natural for us to revert to following social norms but my calling is greater than pleasing my neighbor, my child, my parent, my friends or even my husband. I don't want to be bound to the slavery of tiresome people pleasing...rather, I want the freedom that comes from a worry-free relationship with Christ.

One of my favorite sites - GotQuestions.org, agrees with everything E spoke to me about tonight:

When we look at Jesus’ interactions with others, we see that He willingly related with all kinds—sinners, tax collectors, Pharisees, Sadducees, Romans, Samaritans, fisherman, women, children—with no regard for society’s view of the respectable. Jesus loved these people and treated them out of that love, but it did not always look pleasant. He spoke harsh words to those who opposed Him, but He did so because it was best for them. He sacrificed His time, His emotional energy, and His wisdom for those who hated Him because He knew it would either bring them to a saving knowledge of Him or turn them away forever. Either way, they benefitted from His input. This is the essence of loving our enemies—speaking the truth in love to them (Ephesians 4:15), no matter how much it costs us to do so. 

God, take my life (once again) and lead me the way YOU want me to go. Help me to live this way on a daily basis. Give me the strength to do this through you. Teach me to love and act on that love in a manner pleasing to you. May there be more of You and less of me.

The Struggle.

My mind struggles with what I know (head-knowledge) about who I am in Christ and what I've grown up with. From the beginning of our human understanding, we are taught that if we do good, then we get a gold star, a good grade or a pat on the back. When we are bad, we are punished. This system works for a world that would otherwise be chaos but it is so far from the way our relationship with Christ works. The difference between (authentic) Christianity and every other world religion is that we don't have to work to gain entrance into heaven. It is by faith alone that we are saved, which results in a desire to change. The problem is we are still living in a sin-tainted world where our fleshly desires battle our desire to be more like Christ.

My problem is that I grew up going to schools and churches that (silently) applauded the outward appearance. If you looked like a Christian or did Christian things, there was no room for concern. Now that I've moved away, experienced different churches and most importantly searched the Word for truth, I've discovered I must break out of this mindset. By living with an "I feel like I'm a good Christian because I look, do it or act it" mindset I'm holding myself back from a true understanding of what Christ did for us (which results in an even deeper walk).  It's just such a battle. At times I still feel like a bad Christian if I don't do this or that...just like a girl who grows up with high expectations of her school feels bad if she doesn't perform well in any other situation. It's been engrained in me and I so badly want to break free of it...

And of course, God led me to the right verse at the right time >>

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galations 5:1

I am free.