Security.

Today I texted my mom the following:

Kaiden wants my attention all the time. If I take my eyes off of him, he gets upset. I always have to play by his side, he always wants me to hold him and cuddle and if I step out of the room, it seems as if he fears I will leave him. Is this normal lol? Even when E is holding him he follows me with his eyes. If something funny happens with E, he looks to see if I'm laughing too. I can tell he loves me a ton but I just want to make sure it's ok for him to be this dependent on me.

As I texted this to my mom, I felt bad saying he needs me too much, but a co-worker of E's said something the other day that caught my attention. I was in the office and I walked a few feet away to grab something and Kaiden immediately started crying. E's co worker said something like, "Boy, is he fearful!" It wasn't anything that offended me, it was just a detail (that has been in the back of my mind) brought to my attention. I explained how we have been taking him to endless doctor's appointments and such, but the word fearful really stood out to me. He does act afraid to not be with me.

My mom called me and asked why I was concerned. She explained it's perfectly normal and then she said words that struck my heart. You are his security. I know he loves to sleep with the blanket I knit him and I know he is comforted by drinking his milk, but I am his security. I am the one that protects him, feeds him and puts him to bed every night (and of course my husband too lol). I read him stories, play with him every day, laugh at his little, silly games. I take him everywhere with me and I'm always there when he cries. Hearing my mom re-emphasize all this really put things into perspective for me.

While in the church nursery, Kaiden will cry if he hears the end song being played and we haven't picked him up yet. When we are all sitting on the floor together and playing, he always takes my hand and take's my husband's hands to pull us closer together. If he wants my attention, he hangs around my legs and rubs his head like a little cat. It is clear how much he loves my husband and I and how much he craves our attention. The other day, I found this quote...

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff. (Catherine M. Wallace)


Kaiden may not be talking yet but he eagerly awaits my response when he builds a huge lego tower or when he puts a pillow on his head. He doesn't want me to miss a single detail and while at times it may be difficult for me to always pay attention, I am reminded that these little things are the big things and right now, I am his security.