Wrestling with Self-Pity and Ingratitude

I stumbled across an article by William Farley last night that really highlighted a lot of issues I've been dealing with. It's entitled, "The Poison of Self Pity." This is definitely a must read for any Christian. I think we all easily find ourselves wallowing in self pity and as harmless as it may seem, it is a deep rooted issue that must be recognized and turned over to the cross. Too often we play the role of a victim, which immediately wipes out any remembrance of who we were before Christ, what He did for us and the work He is doing now.

Taken straight from the article,

"The roots of self-pity are 'pride in action'. It is the propensity to feel sorry for yourself because you are not getting what you think you deserve. Self-pity assumes that you deserve good treatment from God and other people. It assumes this because it decrees that you are good, and you are entitled to good. Self pity exposes self-centeredness. The magnifying glass turns inward on you and your problems. It has no energy for God, no interest in the needs of others, no capacity for the outward focus that signals spiritual health and true happiness."

Ouch. If that doesn't take you down a few notches...

"Self-pity is the vacuum into which gratitude cannot enter. In fact, self-pity and thanksgiving cannot coexist. They are mutually exclusive. . . Ultimately, self pity is self-worship and that is what makes it so deadly, so evil. At heart, self pity expresses the idolatry of 'Me, Me, Me.' It demands center stage. It seeks to be worshiped. And it dethrones God." 

The article goes on to explain symptoms of self pity...

• Depression --> "I feel sorry for myself. I'm worn out. I don't have energy for daily activities."
• Envy --> "I want what you have." or "I deserve what you have."
• Jealousy --> "You may take away what I have."
• Anger --> "I'm upset and voicing my self pity."
• Bitterness --> "I'm past anger and now hold a grudge."

The article goes on and on...examining the deep heart issues we all have in more detail. I never realized that self-pity encompassed this wide range of emotions...and I am guilty of so many of them! One thing that I've been really vocal about in my blog entries is my desire for my business to grow. This affects me on a daily basis and is evident because of how much I write about it. It's been this way for several years now. The desire consumes me and I've been trying to figure out how I can move past it, because ultimately I know even if I get what I want, it will not fill what God was meant to. I am genuinely happy for those around me that are successful, but I also wonder why I don't receive the same kind of success. There it is folks...that is envy. I'm basically saying "God, I deserve this. Why can't I have it too? Why isn't this in Your plans? Even though You are all-knowing, I'm pretty sure this is how it should be." I find myself scrambling to make things happen...I take matters into my own hands. And when it doesn't work out, I'm mentally worn out. No wonder I keep falling back into this up and down pattern of contentness and then lack of it. I'm basically shoving my ingratitude in God's face and asking Him for more than what He has already blessed me with. 

This realization is huge for me. It actually goes hand in hand with the study we are doing in Ephesians. The overall theme of this book is grace and for the first time in my life (although I've read it in school many times) I am finally understanding what grace means. 

I am sinful by nature. (Romans 3:23)

The penalty of sin is death. (Romans 6:23)

[Therefore,] I am deserving of death. 

But God, in His great love sent His son to Earth and carried the weight of our sin. (John 3:16)

He took the penalty for us and died on the cross. (Hebrews 10:10-14)

If we choose to accept, we are given the gift of salvation at no cost. (Ephesians 2:8--9)

Every other religion in the world requires you to "do good" and "work" for your salvation, but even our best works are filthy rags. It is by accepting Christ as your Savior that we are given eternal life. That is grace. We are undeserving but He gives it to us anyways. "For by grace you were saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works so that no one may boast!" When I have this mindset my excuses for self pity are all worthless. Oh, there is so much more I would love to share but I will leave it here for now. Knowing these simple, yet complex truths is forever changing me and I'm starting to care less and less about what I want (or think I want) in life. It's freeing. It's incredibly humbling. This is the lot I've been given and because of His grace and my understanding of it, I'm grateful more than ever before.