The Struggle.

My mind struggles with what I know (head-knowledge) about who I am in Christ and what I've grown up with. From the beginning of our human understanding, we are taught that if we do good, then we get a gold star, a good grade or a pat on the back. When we are bad, we are punished. This system works for a world that would otherwise be chaos but it is so far from the way our relationship with Christ works. The difference between (authentic) Christianity and every other world religion is that we don't have to work to gain entrance into heaven. It is by faith alone that we are saved, which results in a desire to change. The problem is we are still living in a sin-tainted world where our fleshly desires battle our desire to be more like Christ.

My problem is that I grew up going to schools and churches that (silently) applauded the outward appearance. If you looked like a Christian or did Christian things, there was no room for concern. Now that I've moved away, experienced different churches and most importantly searched the Word for truth, I've discovered I must break out of this mindset. By living with an "I feel like I'm a good Christian because I look, do it or act it" mindset I'm holding myself back from a true understanding of what Christ did for us (which results in an even deeper walk).  It's just such a battle. At times I still feel like a bad Christian if I don't do this or that...just like a girl who grows up with high expectations of her school feels bad if she doesn't perform well in any other situation. It's been engrained in me and I so badly want to break free of it...

And of course, God led me to the right verse at the right time >>

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galations 5:1

I am free.